


Sleeping alone

by Zisease



Category: One Direction
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 21:24:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6675961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zisease/pseuds/Zisease
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Promise you'll be home soon? You know I hate sleeping alone."<br/>"Yes. Of course, always"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sleeping alone

Sleeping Alone

 

“God Harry, can you answer the fucking phone?” Louis called down the stairs.  
“Relax Lou, I’ll get it,” Harry drew out lazily. Louis could hear him get up from his chair, his feet softly dragging across the floor, as if his voice defined the rest of his body.

“Hello?” Harry questioned.  
“Hi, Mr. Styles?” The person asked. Harry knew exactly what the call was about and dreaded the words that would come out of the woman’s voice next.

“Yes this is he.”  
“The scans came back and we would really like to get you into the office as soon as possible.” Harry knew it was bad, he just didn’t think this would ever happen to him. How could he tell Louis? It would kill him, absolutely destroy him.

“Mr. Styles are you still there?”  
“Yes, yes, sorry. I will come in tomorrow at 7,” he knew Louis wouldn’t be up by then, and hoped that like every other Saturday, he’d sleep until noon.  
“We will see you then… and please, feel free to bring someone with you.” And with that the line went dead.

“Fuck,” Harry muttered just as Louis came down the stairs.  
“Everything okay, love?” Louis asked, brows furrowed.  
Harry plastered on a smile, as he responded, “Yes, of course.”

***  
Harry’s alarm rang at 5 a.m the next morning.  
“Hey,” louis whispered into Harry’s neck, “where are you going?”  
“For a run,” harry responded softly, planting a kiss on Louis’ forehead.  
“Ok, but hurry back. You know I hate sleeping alone.”  
And again Harry responded, “yes, of course.. Always.”

Harry hated saying goodbye to Louis. But he got up with a heavy heart, took one last look at his home, and made his way to the doctor’s office.

His mom was already waiting for him outside the office, just before the revolving doors. “Hi honey,” she said, smiling a sad smile.  
“You ready?” she asked taking his hand before he could even respond. But there was no way Harry would ever be ready to receive the news he got.

“You have cancer,” the doctor said solemnly, holding a file of papers in his hand. Harry drew in a breath, and squeezed his mom’s hand even tighter.  
“It’s not uncommon, Leukemia, and it’s definitely treatable. But like any cancer, it will be a long and hard process,” He continued, not sugarcoating anything. Harry drew out the breath he hadn’t known he was holding.

“So, you think I’ll be okay? That I can get through treatment?” He asked, hopeful, until seeing the look on his doctor’s face.  
“What is it?” Anne asked the doctor.

“Well,” he cleared his throat. “The cancer we found, has been growing a ton. I’m surprised the symptoms haven’t been worse.”

“So what are you saying?” She asked impatiently.  
“It’s...it’s very unlikely that we’ll be able to treat it quickly enough before it spreads anymore.”

With a quivering voice Harry asked, “So, there’s nothing we can do? I’m just going to die?”  
“I’m so sorry, we can put you through treatment, but it wouldn’t do much… we’re very sorry. You’ll just have to wait it out.”

“Wait it out?!” Anne exploded.  
“You’re just going to let my son suffer for…” and then her voice softened…

“How long?” she asked quietly.  
“Mrs. Styles, would you have a seat?” For she had jumped up in anger.

“How long..?” she asked again, her tone threatening.

“We don’t know exactly, we’ve seen some live for another year or two, but some only a couple months. With his condition… we’d have to say 5 months.” Harry wanted to throw up.

Only 5 months? That’s it? He’d have to tell the boys…. And Louis. God. This would be impossible.

Harry was quiet the whole way home, his mom next to him sniffling back tears.

His and Louis’ house came into view, the purple and pink flowers he had planted, growing beautifully, the sun shining. It would have been a perfect day….

Harry sat in the car longer than he needed, taking it all in. Who knew how many good days he’d have left?

“Harry,” his mom said softly after a few minutes, “you have to tell him.” And Harry nodded, because he would, but how do you tell the person you love the most you have cancer?

“I love you so much,” Anne said. Before driving away she added, “Gemma and I will be around soon,” and blew a kiss in his direction.

With an even heavier heart than what he left with, Harry climbed up the stairs, taking a deep breath before opening the door.  
Louis was still sound asleep when Harry returned, curled up within the blankets.

Harry climbed back into bed, trying to steady his breath. Louis rolled over on his side, his eyes fluttering open.  
He smiled, “You’re home.” to which Harry responded, “Yeah, I’m home.”

***

2 hours later the boys awoke, and played FIFA, like usual. “Hey Lou?” Harry said softly, so softly Louis almost didn’t hear. “What is it love?”

“I need to talk to you about something really important.” Louis stopped the game, and hopped up on the couch to where Harry was.  
“You know how I randomly got bruises all the time while on tour?” He asked, to which Louis nodded.

“Well I went to the doctor this morning, and.. Oops yeah, sorry I lied.” Harry said sheepishly, but Louis just giggled.

“And Lou…” Harry said, the tears starting to fall.  
“Harry? What is it? What’s wrong?” Louis asked, wrapping his arms around Harry’s torso.

 

“I… I have cancer.” Louis sat there in a silent aura of shock.  
“But you’ll be alright? Right?” Louis asked desperately.

 

“The doctors say I have 5 months…” Harry said, the sobs taking over, and Louis too was sobbing.

 

“Harry this.. We… there has to be something they can do. Isn’t there?” Harry just shook his head. And the two of them sat tangled up in each other, not knowing whose tears belonged to who.

 

***  
Hours later, when all the tears were dried up and the sobbing stopped, they both got up with shaky breaths and red eyes. “God what am i supposed to do?” Harry asked. Louis drew him into a tight hug. “Whatever it is, whatever you go through, I’ll be here… always.” Harry had believed telling Louis would be the hardest, but he didn’t realise how hard it would be to tell the other boys as well.

****

“Harry! Louis! How have you two been?” Niall greeted them when they arrived at the restaurant. “Good lad! Niall, have you gotten tanner?” Louis joked, because Niall’s skin was bright red. He just laughed it off, and said, “Liam and Zayn went to get drinks.” And soon enough they returned, Zayn holding three bottles, Liam two.

 

“Hey boys,” Liam said smiling, “long time no see.” The boys made polite chatter throughout dinner, each of them filling the others in with what they’ve been doing since the break. But towards the end Harry cleared his throat, and said “There’s been something I’ve needed to tell you all.”

 

None of them missed the way Louis instinctively reached for Harry’s hand.

 

“What is it H?” Zayn asked, worried.  
“God i don’t know how to do this,” Harry said, looking up to the ceiling.

 

But for the third time that day Harry had to tell the people he loved he had cancer.

 

The boys fell silent, the smiles falling off their faces. It seemed as if the world had stopped moving around him, the light talking in the restaurant ceased to exist. But then a choruses of “Harry we love you,” surrounded him and he was soon enveloped in a tangle of arms. When they chose to disperse, each said their, “call me if you need anything,” and parted ways.

 

In the car Harry let Louis’ hum calm him as his eyes slowly drifted shut. He’d had an exhausting day. But little did he know how much worse it was going to get.

*****

 

“Harry!!” Louis screeched shaking him. “Harry come on wake up!” he sobbed, and the boys were there to pull Louis off of Harry, while the paramedics came. Harry had suffered a small stroke, but he would be alright.

 

“Fuck Harry, I was so scared. One minute you were fine and talking, but the next.. You.. you just stopped talking and fell to the ground.”

 

Harry tried for a smile, “But m’alright Lou…” Yes, he was alright from the stroke but Harry would never be perfectly “alright” again.  
“I can’t lose you,” Louis said softly into the nape of Harry’s neck.

 

“Louis, you could never lose me. You’ll always be in my heart, and I know I’ll always be in yours… You couldn’t lose me even if you tried,” Harry responded, tugging on Louis’ fringe.

 

They just sat there for what seemed like hours, breathing in each other's’ presence.

“Marry me..” Louis said abruptly.  
“Wha… what?” Harry asked a bit taken aback.

 

“You heard me.. What better time than now to do it….” Louis drifted off.  
“Before I die?” Harry asked, faintly.

 

“Whether you were dying or not, Harry Edward Styles I want to spend the rest of my life with you and only you. So would you please do me the honour of marrying me?” Louis said, getting down on one knee.

 

Harry giggled, something he hadn’t done it what seemed like ages.

 

“Louis, of course, I would be honoured,” and with that Louis planted a kiss on his mouth.

 

Minutes later Anne arrived with Gemma, to hear Louis and Harry talking excitedly.

 

“So, Anne, before I make it official, can I ask you something?”  
“Of course Louis, anything,”  
“Do you give me your blessing to marry your beautiful son?”

 

Gemma squealed in delight as Anne just shook her head happily.  
“Yes Louis, I give you my blessing,” And Louis’s smile shone brighter than the sun.

 

“Since you two are getting married, we have a lot to work to do,” Anne said, getting out a pen and paper.

 

“We’ll need your guest list, venue, food, and of course music…” she blabbered on. Harry was glad for the distraction and he couldn’t wait to marry the love of his life.

***

 

After weeks of planning the two boys had decided on everything to make the wedding perfect. The Script agreed to play, as they were huge fans, just as Harry and Louis were of them.

 

The wedding would take place on the ocean, with lots of dancing and eating and drinking.

 

It should have been the best day of their lives.

 

 

As Louis was buttoning up his suit, Anne came rushing in with a panicked look on her face.  
“Louis..it’s harry.”  
Well Shit Louis thought.

 

“Where…?”  
“He’s being taken to the ER right now…. It’s another stroke.” So Louis trailed behind the ambulance the whole way to the ER.

 

Harry was unconscious as they unloaded him from the ambulance. There was a breathing mask across his nose and mouth, his chest moving painfully slow up and down.

“Family only,” the nurse said as Louis sprinted through the double doors to Harry’s room.

 

“I’m his fucking husband,” he retorted, pushing past her.  
In the hospital room, Harry lay hooked up to twenty different chords. Still breathing slowly. He gently coughed then shot straight up.

 

His eyes were glassy until they focused on Louis.  
“Lou…” he said his voice cracking. Louis rushed to his side, holding tightly onto his hand.  
“I’m so sorry,” Harry sobbed.

“M’it’s okay love. Shh..” Louis coaxed, he knew the end was coming. He could see it in Harry’s eyes. There was no light behind them anymore, just pain.

 

“God I wish it wasn’t fucking like this,” Harry said, his voice strained. “You deserve better Lou..”

 

“Stop talking like that Harry. I love you, and I will only ever love you. Fuck Harry, you mean the world to me.”

 

“I love you so much, I’m sorry I ruined the wedding.”

M

“Harry would you stop? Just because we’re not in some fancy chapel, doesn’t mean we still can’t get married… Why don’t you let me read you my vows?” he asked, to which Harry nodded his head.

 

“Ahem, okay,” Louis started.  
“Harry Edward Styles, where to begin? I can’t even put into words how much you mean to me. From the moment I met you at the Script concert, to the moment we were put into the same band. I knew you were the one. You were the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Something about you makes me feel like the happiest person alive. Everyday I’m reminded as to why I’m the luckiest human on the planet. You are my sunshine during the dark days, the one who keeps me grounded but also has me floating on cloud nine…” Harry’s heart monitor began to slow down. Louis wiped away a tear but continued,

 

“God Harry, you don’t even see the goodness in yourself. All the love and kindness you posses. And fuck, you’d be such a great father. The kids would love you, wouldn’t they? We’d have a girl and a boy, and despite your strictness with healthy food they’d appreciate you so much. I...I’m just so excited to see what the future holds and there’s no one I would rather experience with.” Louis finished, sobbing, as he wiped away a tear from Harry’s eyes.

 

“I love you so much,” he heaved, as he placed the ring on Harry’s finger.

 

 

“I love you more… always.”

****

 

Harry died an hour later. Anne, Gemma, Johanna, and all the boys were there as he took his final breath.

 

Louis was glad they were there, to support him, but also to say goodbye to Harry. Louis didn’t think he’d ever felt anything more painful, and believed he’d never feel anything like it again.

 

What was he supposed to do now? He couldn’t go to his… to his and Harry’s home. No. It would be too much. He crashed at Niall’s for two weeks, before he was kicked out.

 

“You need to go home,” Niall told him one morning. And Louis knew he was right, but he didn’t know how he could handle all of the pictures of him and Harry grinning, or performing on stage, or sharing a kiss.

 

But Louis knew he’d have to face it sooner or later, so he packed up his stuff from Niall’s and made his way home.

 

The house was eerily quiet, as the sunlight shone through the big window. It was exactly how he had left it days earlier. The calendar still marked on June, and on the date June 25th were the words: WEDDING!!! Which harry had drawn huge hearts around. Harry’s belongings were all neatly stacked away, their room completely spotless.

 

And it made Louis so mad. Because everything in this home was Harry. This was Harry’s home and he could never nor would he ever return. The picture of the two of them set beside the bed, one of the fondest memories they had together at Leeds. Louis gingerly picked the picture up.

 

The smile on Harry’s face seemed so out of place, if only that 17 year old boy would know what was coming. And fuck Louis was mad.

 

God he and Harry were supposed to be married. To have a life together. To have children. And now.. Now that was impossible, and Louis wouldn’t want to have that life with anyone else.

 

Reaching the point of hysterics he smashed the picture on the ground, shards of glass flying everywhere. He stood there sobbing, as he slid against the wall. He tried to steady his breath, but couldn’t as he repeated: _what have I done_?

 

While trying to put the pieces back together. He eventually gained controlled of himself as he spent the rest of the day in the chair in the living room that was home to Harry’s favourite view.

 

The skies were blue, the birds chirping, the sun shining, and strangely enough, Louis felt a calm ease. He couldn’t bring Harry back, nothing could. But like Harry said, he would always hold a special place in his heart.

***

 

 Getting tired of scrolling through the endless, “RIP Harry” and “Gone but not Forgotten” Louis climbed into what once was his and Harry’s bed. The picture on the bedside still broken, almost as if it represented how Louis would live the rest of his life.

 

 

“Fuck,” Louis said to the picture, “you know how much I hate sleeping alone.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :)))


End file.
